Updates.. Mhmmm

Dear blog,
As I checked, the last time I posted anything was over a year ago. Whoa.. I dunno.. I guess twitter took your place. I'm sorry, that was hurtful. Difference between you and twitter is that you let me write as much as I can, while twitter just gives me 140 letters to write. That's it. No more. Sucks if you ask me. Ok soo.. What have I been up to? Oh.. so much. Well, I'm back from the states now, ha! IT changed me a LOT. Don't worry though, in a good way I believe. I miss it now. I miss my friends so much. They were the only ones who I could nag about my other friends with lol. I miss my school over there, too, but I'm happy that I'm home.
Oh, by the by, I've one through an emotional rollercoaster throughout this year. That's why I'm not too fond of 2011 and can't wait for 2012, bel 7ayaa inshallah. I got hurt by the people who are closest to my heart, and that sucks. I just want this year to get over with.. But you know what, el7amdlelah 3la kel 7aal. I mean..I'm in a waay better situation than thousands of people around the world so.. Thank You Allah.

I've learned something about myself. If I got hurt physically, I don't cry easily.. But if I got hurt emotionally well.. I cry..a lot. That ain't good ya know.
I'm tired of expecting too much from people. People can do so much, why do I expect more? And what's worse is, I get hurt when I don't get what I "Expect". When I love a person, I love them with all of my heart. I mean, I honestly would do anything for them, without thinking twice about it. I would fly across the world for them if they wish. But the thing is, it is I who would do that..and just because I would do it, I shouldn't expect them to do the same as well. I keep reminding myself..just because a person doesn't love the way you want to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all of what they have, but I keep forgetting that.
NEVER expect ANYTHING from ANYONE. Even if it was your bestfriend.. Because believe me, blog, there is nothing worse than expectting too much from a person who wouldn't do much. Ah.

I've been telling a friend that my heart hurts, or that I have a heart ache. No one really believes me.. But seriously I do.. I can feel it.. Ya3ni I dunno if it's just emotionally or perhaps it's a heart condition or something... but it is "something" .. I just don't know what. And I'm tired of it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be better. Because I dunno what's causing all of this. God knows I have a good life el7amdulelah, it's just that my feelings...and probably my thoughts who ruin it. I try to keep my loved ones close to me, always. But honestly, I'm scared that I'l lose them because of my overwhelming love LOL.. That's funny.. "overwhelming love" I think it's sweet that I show the people I love just how much I love them everyday :) awww. haha
Anywhosers, it's 5.35 am right now. I should probably try to sleep by now, but I dunno.. I just have too much CRAP that make NO SENSE whatsoever on my head.
....
Dear blog,
Am I weird? Is it bad to be weird? Is it good? Do I talk a lot? Do I say nonsense? Am I a good friend? Am I a good person? Have I changed to the worse or? Do I annoy people? ... Do people honestly love me like they say? :( Who could answer these question? Myself I guess? Or people who know me? Or perhaps it should stay unanswered and keep me wondering? Yeah?

So.. I'll try to keep you posted with my life, blog. It's good to write down what I have in mind, because sometimes, well, people are just not bothered to listen to my crap. xo