So here I am listening to "ما في أحد مرتاح" by عبدالله الرويشد and thought of him.. I started looking at his pictures on facebook just because I missed his face. Sad if you'd say..
Thing is, for so long, I thought I was already over him, but I guess not. Perhaps I was (& still) in denial. But really, do you ever get over someone you once loved? Heck, why am I saying "you once loved", once you've fallen in love with someone, that person will always stay in your heart. No matter what you say. IF you realy truly loved them, then..they'll never leave your heart, because unfortunately, we let them build a home down there and we can't afford to knock it over.
Dear lover,
Was I so easy to get over? Or..did you even need to get over me..since you were never..well, under me if I may say? Perhaps you saw me as a "quite a catch" not because I'm "perfect" or anything, but because you knew I loved you already, so you didn't need to throw all kinds of tricks at me because I was already trapped. Were you really just bored and wanted to have some fun? And oh please, I cannot believe you were my first love. Was it even love? I mean.. Is it?!
I don't know. I do not have the answer. It seems like whenever I ask something or get asked, I simply say "I don't know" perhaps it's because I sincerely don't know, or I just cannot explain or have no clue how to explain.
I think I'm just stupid for thinking that you loved me. Actually.. You know what I keep thinking of? I think to myself, did I ever love you? Seriously.. When we didn't talk for days, sometimes WEEKS, I felt nothing. I lived. I survived. I didn't even miss you.. But yet again, whenever you'd talk to me my heart would skip a beat.. See, I just don't understand.
But wait, I have to thank you for something.. Thank you for messing up my relationship with some family members. Perhaps it's because of me, but it's my choice to blame you lol.
Blog, I'm so happy I just said all that. xo
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