Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
August 28th
So here I am listening to Abdulmajeed Abdullah, the first guy I fell inlove with, ever. Lolololol :)
I think it's so odd how we change so much during the years. I mean, I remember how I was during this time, last year, and believe me when I say that I have changed 180 degree. MY life has changed, too.
Plus, I think my life is going to change in the upcoming year too, 2012. Perhaps not my life, but me as a person. I don't really know why, I just have a feeling.
2011 was...weird. Although, it was good most of the time, but I just don't know. Insha'Allah everything gets better.
ودّي أكون أي شخص ثانـي أي شخص عابر و ألتقاكـ..و بسألكـ وش منكـ جانـي و بالمقال شاللي جاكـ
إنت ما تذكر حنانـي و كيف كنت أشري رضاكـ
كنت أشوف العمر فانـي و اللي يبقالـي هواكـ
<3
Anywhosers, so yeah..
Sometimes I feel like I've changed to the worse..but I dunno, have I? Sometimes I think the old, more "strict" me is better. Mhmmm..I just don't know.
So today was weird.. Not really, it was like every day in Ramadhan, well almost everyday. I woke up at 5PM. Prayed & went downstairs.. My sisters were here with their kids.. Ha, kids... and my headache.. NOT a good combination bro.
Banat al thanawiya was SO-unbelieveably-boring today.
My brother just opened this video on facebook..this guy elly yiqra2 when he goes to MAsjid...ya allah :( I wish I can listen to that all day long. So beautiful.
It's so selfish..3la kithir ma allah y36eeni, I still ask for more.. And nag about stupid silly things in life that don't matter.
I don't really have anything else to say soo...yeah.
I'm out :)
I think it's so odd how we change so much during the years. I mean, I remember how I was during this time, last year, and believe me when I say that I have changed 180 degree. MY life has changed, too.
Plus, I think my life is going to change in the upcoming year too, 2012. Perhaps not my life, but me as a person. I don't really know why, I just have a feeling.
2011 was...weird. Although, it was good most of the time, but I just don't know. Insha'Allah everything gets better.
ودّي أكون أي شخص ثانـي أي شخص عابر و ألتقاكـ..و بسألكـ وش منكـ جانـي و بالمقال شاللي جاكـ
إنت ما تذكر حنانـي و كيف كنت أشري رضاكـ
كنت أشوف العمر فانـي و اللي يبقالـي هواكـ
<3
Anywhosers, so yeah..
Sometimes I feel like I've changed to the worse..but I dunno, have I? Sometimes I think the old, more "strict" me is better. Mhmmm..I just don't know.
So today was weird.. Not really, it was like every day in Ramadhan, well almost everyday. I woke up at 5PM. Prayed & went downstairs.. My sisters were here with their kids.. Ha, kids... and my headache.. NOT a good combination bro.
Banat al thanawiya was SO-unbelieveably-boring today.
My brother just opened this video on facebook..this guy elly yiqra2 when he goes to MAsjid...ya allah :( I wish I can listen to that all day long. So beautiful.
It's so selfish..3la kithir ma allah y36eeni, I still ask for more.. And nag about stupid silly things in life that don't matter.
I don't really have anything else to say soo...yeah.
I'm out :)
Friday, August 26, 2011
He moved on, maybe I should do the same
So here I am listening to "ما في أحد مرتاح" by عبدالله الرويشد and thought of him.. I started looking at his pictures on facebook just because I missed his face. Sad if you'd say..
Thing is, for so long, I thought I was already over him, but I guess not. Perhaps I was (& still) in denial. But really, do you ever get over someone you once loved? Heck, why am I saying "you once loved", once you've fallen in love with someone, that person will always stay in your heart. No matter what you say. IF you realy truly loved them, then..they'll never leave your heart, because unfortunately, we let them build a home down there and we can't afford to knock it over.
Dear lover,
Was I so easy to get over? Or..did you even need to get over me..since you were never..well, under me if I may say? Perhaps you saw me as a "quite a catch" not because I'm "perfect" or anything, but because you knew I loved you already, so you didn't need to throw all kinds of tricks at me because I was already trapped. Were you really just bored and wanted to have some fun? And oh please, I cannot believe you were my first love. Was it even love? I mean.. Is it?!
I don't know. I do not have the answer. It seems like whenever I ask something or get asked, I simply say "I don't know" perhaps it's because I sincerely don't know, or I just cannot explain or have no clue how to explain.
I think I'm just stupid for thinking that you loved me. Actually.. You know what I keep thinking of? I think to myself, did I ever love you? Seriously.. When we didn't talk for days, sometimes WEEKS, I felt nothing. I lived. I survived. I didn't even miss you.. But yet again, whenever you'd talk to me my heart would skip a beat.. See, I just don't understand.
But wait, I have to thank you for something.. Thank you for messing up my relationship with some family members. Perhaps it's because of me, but it's my choice to blame you lol.
Blog, I'm so happy I just said all that. xo
Thing is, for so long, I thought I was already over him, but I guess not. Perhaps I was (& still) in denial. But really, do you ever get over someone you once loved? Heck, why am I saying "you once loved", once you've fallen in love with someone, that person will always stay in your heart. No matter what you say. IF you realy truly loved them, then..they'll never leave your heart, because unfortunately, we let them build a home down there and we can't afford to knock it over.
Dear lover,
Was I so easy to get over? Or..did you even need to get over me..since you were never..well, under me if I may say? Perhaps you saw me as a "quite a catch" not because I'm "perfect" or anything, but because you knew I loved you already, so you didn't need to throw all kinds of tricks at me because I was already trapped. Were you really just bored and wanted to have some fun? And oh please, I cannot believe you were my first love. Was it even love? I mean.. Is it?!
I don't know. I do not have the answer. It seems like whenever I ask something or get asked, I simply say "I don't know" perhaps it's because I sincerely don't know, or I just cannot explain or have no clue how to explain.
I think I'm just stupid for thinking that you loved me. Actually.. You know what I keep thinking of? I think to myself, did I ever love you? Seriously.. When we didn't talk for days, sometimes WEEKS, I felt nothing. I lived. I survived. I didn't even miss you.. But yet again, whenever you'd talk to me my heart would skip a beat.. See, I just don't understand.
But wait, I have to thank you for something.. Thank you for messing up my relationship with some family members. Perhaps it's because of me, but it's my choice to blame you lol.
Blog, I'm so happy I just said all that. xo
Friday, August 19, 2011
Updates.. Mhmmm
Dear blog,
As I checked, the last time I posted anything was over a year ago. Whoa.. I dunno.. I guess twitter took your place. I'm sorry, that was hurtful. Difference between you and twitter is that you let me write as much as I can, while twitter just gives me 140 letters to write. That's it. No more. Sucks if you ask me. Ok soo.. What have I been up to? Oh.. so much. Well, I'm back from the states now, ha! IT changed me a LOT. Don't worry though, in a good way I believe. I miss it now. I miss my friends so much. They were the only ones who I could nag about my other friends with lol. I miss my school over there, too, but I'm happy that I'm home.
Oh, by the by, I've one through an emotional rollercoaster throughout this year. That's why I'm not too fond of 2011 and can't wait for 2012, bel 7ayaa inshallah. I got hurt by the people who are closest to my heart, and that sucks. I just want this year to get over with.. But you know what, el7amdlelah 3la kel 7aal. I mean..I'm in a waay better situation than thousands of people around the world so.. Thank You Allah.
I've learned something about myself. If I got hurt physically, I don't cry easily.. But if I got hurt emotionally well.. I cry..a lot. That ain't good ya know.
I'm tired of expecting too much from people. People can do so much, why do I expect more? And what's worse is, I get hurt when I don't get what I "Expect". When I love a person, I love them with all of my heart. I mean, I honestly would do anything for them, without thinking twice about it. I would fly across the world for them if they wish. But the thing is, it is I who would do that..and just because I would do it, I shouldn't expect them to do the same as well. I keep reminding myself..just because a person doesn't love the way you want to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all of what they have, but I keep forgetting that.
NEVER expect ANYTHING from ANYONE. Even if it was your bestfriend.. Because believe me, blog, there is nothing worse than expectting too much from a person who wouldn't do much. Ah.
I've been telling a friend that my heart hurts, or that I have a heart ache. No one really believes me.. But seriously I do.. I can feel it.. Ya3ni I dunno if it's just emotionally or perhaps it's a heart condition or something... but it is "something" .. I just don't know what. And I'm tired of it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be better. Because I dunno what's causing all of this. God knows I have a good life el7amdulelah, it's just that my feelings...and probably my thoughts who ruin it. I try to keep my loved ones close to me, always. But honestly, I'm scared that I'l lose them because of my overwhelming love LOL.. That's funny.. "overwhelming love" I think it's sweet that I show the people I love just how much I love them everyday :) awww. haha
Anywhosers, it's 5.35 am right now. I should probably try to sleep by now, but I dunno.. I just have too much CRAP that make NO SENSE whatsoever on my head.
....
Dear blog,
Am I weird? Is it bad to be weird? Is it good? Do I talk a lot? Do I say nonsense? Am I a good friend? Am I a good person? Have I changed to the worse or? Do I annoy people? ... Do people honestly love me like they say? :( Who could answer these question? Myself I guess? Or people who know me? Or perhaps it should stay unanswered and keep me wondering? Yeah?
So.. I'll try to keep you posted with my life, blog. It's good to write down what I have in mind, because sometimes, well, people are just not bothered to listen to my crap. xo
As I checked, the last time I posted anything was over a year ago. Whoa.. I dunno.. I guess twitter took your place. I'm sorry, that was hurtful. Difference between you and twitter is that you let me write as much as I can, while twitter just gives me 140 letters to write. That's it. No more. Sucks if you ask me. Ok soo.. What have I been up to? Oh.. so much. Well, I'm back from the states now, ha! IT changed me a LOT. Don't worry though, in a good way I believe. I miss it now. I miss my friends so much. They were the only ones who I could nag about my other friends with lol. I miss my school over there, too, but I'm happy that I'm home.
Oh, by the by, I've one through an emotional rollercoaster throughout this year. That's why I'm not too fond of 2011 and can't wait for 2012, bel 7ayaa inshallah. I got hurt by the people who are closest to my heart, and that sucks. I just want this year to get over with.. But you know what, el7amdlelah 3la kel 7aal. I mean..I'm in a waay better situation than thousands of people around the world so.. Thank You Allah.
I've learned something about myself. If I got hurt physically, I don't cry easily.. But if I got hurt emotionally well.. I cry..a lot. That ain't good ya know.
I'm tired of expecting too much from people. People can do so much, why do I expect more? And what's worse is, I get hurt when I don't get what I "Expect". When I love a person, I love them with all of my heart. I mean, I honestly would do anything for them, without thinking twice about it. I would fly across the world for them if they wish. But the thing is, it is I who would do that..and just because I would do it, I shouldn't expect them to do the same as well. I keep reminding myself..just because a person doesn't love the way you want to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all of what they have, but I keep forgetting that.
NEVER expect ANYTHING from ANYONE. Even if it was your bestfriend.. Because believe me, blog, there is nothing worse than expectting too much from a person who wouldn't do much. Ah.
I've been telling a friend that my heart hurts, or that I have a heart ache. No one really believes me.. But seriously I do.. I can feel it.. Ya3ni I dunno if it's just emotionally or perhaps it's a heart condition or something... but it is "something" .. I just don't know what. And I'm tired of it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be better. Because I dunno what's causing all of this. God knows I have a good life el7amdulelah, it's just that my feelings...and probably my thoughts who ruin it. I try to keep my loved ones close to me, always. But honestly, I'm scared that I'l lose them because of my overwhelming love LOL.. That's funny.. "overwhelming love" I think it's sweet that I show the people I love just how much I love them everyday :) awww. haha
Anywhosers, it's 5.35 am right now. I should probably try to sleep by now, but I dunno.. I just have too much CRAP that make NO SENSE whatsoever on my head.
....
Dear blog,
Am I weird? Is it bad to be weird? Is it good? Do I talk a lot? Do I say nonsense? Am I a good friend? Am I a good person? Have I changed to the worse or? Do I annoy people? ... Do people honestly love me like they say? :( Who could answer these question? Myself I guess? Or people who know me? Or perhaps it should stay unanswered and keep me wondering? Yeah?
So.. I'll try to keep you posted with my life, blog. It's good to write down what I have in mind, because sometimes, well, people are just not bothered to listen to my crap. xo
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